Chrysalis Newsletter

Chrysalis newsletter for personal and professional development

This is a monthly email newsletter covering a range of personal and professional development topics.

The 2012 topics are included below.

2011 compilation. A compilation of the 2011 newsletters can be downloaded here.

Newsletter contributions. Articles on appropriate topics are welcome. If you would like to contribute an article, please make it approximately 300 words and email it to me at kim@successfulspeaking.biz You are welcome to include your email address and link to your website.

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Newsletter April 2012

UNDERSTANDING FAILURE

One of my most popular conference speeches is on the topic of ‘Using failure as a stepping stone to success’.
I was fascinated by the concept of failure and how it relates to success, and decided to study it over a period of two years. Through doing this, I came to understand that failure isn’t something to be feared, that it’s something which is integral to life, and that if understood and used wisely, can bring us tremendous benefits in our life.
Recently I won a writing competition with an article on this topic. I have included a shortened version for you here.

Failure. Something we dread, yet something we will all encounter in life.
Life is not a success-only journey, we can’t hide from failure, but we can learn how to learn from it. Experiencing failure, mistakes or setbacks is probably an essential part of being successful.

The most successful people have failed, and most likely failed many times. One of the differences between a successful and a non-successful person is that the successful person understands failure and knows how to use it to its best advantage.

What is failure?

• When you aim to achieve something, and achieve something you perceive as ‘less’, then you will label it as failure.
• For you to feel failure there has to be a sense of loss, for example loss of face, time, money, partner.
•  Failure is like a tool. A hammer, for example, is neutral. How we choose to use it, determines the outcome. We could use it to create a something beautiful, or to destroy. Similarly with failure.
• Sometimes it is just part of the package. “You always pass failure on the way to success.” Mickey Rooney           
• Failure is an opportunity. You are simply being given a message that you need to learn, grow or develop.

Why do we fail?
1) We have a lack of knowledge or understanding

•  …of how life works. If we aim for success, experiencing failure will be part of the process. Successful people understand this, and see failure as a temporary not permanent situation.
• When the basic premise you are working from is wrong for you.
• We forget we have choices and don’t see that there is another way to do things.
• We develop habits that lead us down the wrong path. “You don’t fail overnight.  Failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated daily.” Jim Rohn

2) Attitude
Successful people acquire the knowledge and understanding for dealing with failure. They don’t fear it, and their main driver isn’t failure-avoidance.

Successful people avoid the following:

• Inaction. If you do nothing, no one can help you and you will never achieve success.
• Hanging on. Have the courage to stop what you are doing and move on when you know it’s the wrong path.
• Unwillingness to pay the price. There is a price to pay for everything.
• Limiting beliefs. If you believe you can, you are likely to succeed.
• Playing the victim role and finding things to blame. While external factors may be present, it’s attitude we are looking at.
• Lack of resilience. Failure happens. The trick is not to give up but to lick your wounds and bounce back.
• Living in the past. Don’t focus on the past and on what went wrong, focus on the future and the next success.

The benefits of failing

• You now have the opportunity to learn, develop and succeed.
• You learn that you can survive, emerge stronger, achieve a better outcome, and be less fearful next time
• Through learning from your failures, you can help those following the same life path as you.
  

What to do if you fail

• Understand that you may go through the following stages: Shock - Fear - Anger / Blame - Shame – Despair. They are useful, healing stages to go through … if they are temporary.
• ‘Be still and let the mist clear’. When in a state of shock do not make any major changes or decisions as they are likely to be wrong.
• Avoid labelling the experience as negative. You will probably see it differently later on.
• Compartmentalise the issues, focusing on the one at hand. There is a temptation after a major setback to feel that your whole life is wrong.
• Spend time sorting out the issues that arose from the ‘failure’. At the same time focus on something greater than these issues to give you something to work towards.
• Get help. Your thinking processes and actions caused the issue to happen. Get a different viewpoint and advice from someone else.

Life is not a success-only journey. You will experience failures, mistakes and setbacks. You can, however, learn how to learn from them.
We can take heart from the words of Henry Ford who said “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.”

USING AFFORMATIONS TO GET THE LIFE YOU WANT, by guest writer Rachael Nixon

How to make friends with the little voice in our head?!...
How many of us have set ourselves a goal or a target in our lives and have every intention of working towards it and achieving it until the ‘little voice in our head’ says ‘You can’t do that, what if...’
The little voice in our head is called ‘The subconscious mind’ and it will hold you back in all areas of your life and business!
Many people will say that by setting an ‘Affirmation’ this will empower you to succeed.
Let me explain why ‘AFFIRMATIONS’ don’t work.
Affirmation is a statement that an individual would say to empower them perhaps if they don’t feel confident.
Affirmation, i.e.  I am feeling confident right now...
However the subconscious mind (little voice in our head) will always question this statement: Really? Are you sure? What makes you think that?
The outcome is you don’t believe it, hence disempowering you.
We need to work with the subconscious mind at all times as this is your driver in life and in your business.
This is why we now set ‘Afformations’ instead as they empower you not disempower you.
The subconscious mind cannot get around the word ‘WHY’, it can only throw back at you the reason why that is so.
i.e. ‘WHY am I feeling so confident right now?’
Answer: - Because...
The little voice in your head (subconscious mind) then gives you all the reasons why you feel confident right now.
Try setting yourself some ‘Afformations’ and see how they well empower you!
This is a very powerful technique which I use with my clients on a regular basis to empower them to take action and not be paralysed by the subconscious mind.
If you would like to learn more about the techniques I use to empower individuals, I do offer a one hour FREE consultation. Also please take a look at our Facebook page for more articles that will empower you:- facebook/excelcoaching or visit our website: - www.excelperformancecoaching.co.uk

Newsletter March 2012

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?

When I was at University I did a degree in Linguistics (the study of language) which is a very interesting, though non-vocational degree. As I got to my final year I started to think about what kind of career I’d like to have, and over a period of time made a list of all the characteristics I wanted in an occupation. I wanted a type of work that was altruistic; involved working with and helping people in a non-medical way; required a professional qualification; had variety; and so on.
I had a very comprehensive list of characteristics, but I didn’t know what type of work this actually equated to, once I’d joined them all together!
One day I went into the library and saw a fellow student. She had a bright yellow piece of paper next to her. I asked what it was and she told me it was a flyer about a course she was thinking of applying for but had changed her mind. I read the flyer and instantly knew that this was the career for me. It contained every one of the characteristics on my list. I applied for the course, was accepted, became qualified, and started my career as a Careers Advisor. I did it for 12 years and it suited me completely.

The more specific you are about what you want the greater the chance you will achieve it.

You may be familiar with this passage from Alice in Wonderland:
Alice came to a fork in the road.  "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Sometimes, however, it does matter. In these situations, it pays to spend the time thinking through exactly what you want and being clear about what you want to achieve. Making a list can really help you focus. When you know what you want and share your vision, you will start sending out ‘messages’ to the universe and the universe will respond.

The more specific you are about what you want the greater the chance you will achieve it.

Let me finish with a quote from Abraham: “There are no happier people on this planet than those who decide that they want something, define what they want, get hold of the feeling of it even before its manifestation and then joyously watch the unfolding as, piece by piece by piece, it begins to unfold.”
What is something you would like to achieve? Start now! Either decide on a time you are going to begin working on your list, or get a piece of paper and start writing it.

BRAIN TRAINING

One of my other interests is producing brain training exercises, games and puzzles. MORI research shows that nearly three-quarters of the UK population do some sort of puzzle each week, in magazines and newspapers. If you identify with this, I've produced a number of brain training and puzzle e-books. You can find them here
 

Newsletter February 2012

5 MINUTES

What can you do in 5 minutes? Quite a lot actually, and perhaps something that could be life-changing. A phone call that could make or break a relationship; an impassioned speech that could further a cause you are passionate about; a decision that could alter the course of your life.
There are many ways to use 5 minutes and today I’m going to take a brief look at suggestions for ways you can deliberately use 5 minutes to enhance your life.

Some may be one-offs. For example a decision you need to make. Have you been putting off a decision? One way to deal with this is to specifically set aside 5 minutes (with someone else if they are central to the decision making process), ensure there are no distractions, and completely devote the time to the decision you have to make.
Sometimes 5 minutes of deliberate thinking may be enough to make your decision.
If you find it isn’t, spend the last part of the time planning what you need to do next and setting a time to do it.

Some may take several sessions. Do you need to, for example, tidy up a spare room but view it as too daunting a task? Several bursts of totally focused periods of 5 minutes could get you through it.
5 minutes is an easily achievable amount of time to find, and a totally focused 5 minutes can sometimes achieve more than a half-hearted 30 minutes.

Some may be regular occurrences. A 5 minute activity on a regular basis – daily, every few days, weekly or whenever is appropriate – could make a huge positive impact on your life. For example jogging on the spot daily; writing a regular journal; calling your mum once a week; sitting down and doing NOTHING; practising your public speaking skills; sitting with your family round the dinner table and letting them know what you appreciate about them… the list is endless.

To Do. Think of an area of your life you would like to enhance, such as health, relationships, de-stressing, speaking skills, de-cluttering, a hobby. Spend time NOW working out how you can deliberately use 5 minutes (as a one off; a series of sessions; and particularly on a regular basis) to bring about improvements in this area. Decide when you are going to do it. Write it down. Do it!
 

Newsletter January 2012

Finding your passion

Some people know exactly what their passion is and live it. However, not everybody does. If you are not sure what yours is, how do you find it? Depending on your personal situation, this may be something you can deal with yourself, or you may benefit from professional help.
If you would like to work on it yourself, there are a range of options you could use. Don’t necessarily expect to discover your passion instantly, good things take time.
Options you can use include:
1. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left hand side write down all the things you love. Anything at all, no matter how big or small. Especially those things that you do when you don’t have to. What do you read about? Dream about? What do you get immersed in? What are you drawn to? You can take a few minutes to do this, or you can work on this over a period of time – days, weeks, even longer. If you spend a decent amount of time doing it, it will bring other thoughts and ideas to the fore. You can brainstorm ideas; talk to people who know you, in order to get their thoughts; do some research; really think it through.
On the right hand side of your paper write down things you don’t like or things you find difficult. The items you put here are in your life to challenge you and build strength of character.
Whatever is on your right hand side will be on someone else’s left side, and vice versa. We have all been endowed with different interests and abilities.
The items you have written on the left hand side will be what you are here to do. Perhaps as a job, career or vocation, perhaps as a hobby or interest. You have been endowed with these interests and abilities for a reason, how are you going to use them?
 
2. This exercise is called '21 to 3' and takes a week to complete. On the first day write down a list of 21 things you would most like to Do, Be or Have by the time you die. Spend as much time as you can on Day One to ensure you get the most benefit from the exercise.
On Day 2 narrow this list down to the most important 18 aspects. Don’t simply cross off three items. Instead, spend time thinking about the list and then write down the top 18 aspects. You may find you amend or combine items.
On Day 3 narrow it down to the most important 15, and so on until by Day 7 you have the top three issues you can now work towards achieving.

3. Read books or websites that will help
There are, of course, a myriad of books and sites that can be of help. A couple I have used that helped me were ‘What color is your parachute?’ by Richard N. Bolles; and ‘I could do anything if I only knew what it was’ by Barbara Sher. I would highly recommend that you use these kinds of books as ‘work books’ and not simply as ‘reading’ books. Do the suggested exercises as that is where you will gain the most benefit. When I used ‘What color is your parachute’ in 1999, it took me around four months to work through it until I got to the stage where I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

The benefits of video on the web - by guest writer, Helen Nurse

When I think about what I spend most time doing online, it is engaging with people – through social networking, Linked In, email conversations, You tube videos. Other than shopping, most of my activity is connecting and interaction.
So if we are in a business or organisation that is ‘selling’, should we try to connect on a more personal level too?
Our DNA is programmed to recognize people and faces more than anything else. So in our virtual world we need to be even more personable than ever before. There is so much 'noise' on the internet, the competition for us to grab people’s attention span has never been greater and so we need to cut through this and engage people in who we are again.
In my opinion no amount of sophisticated technology will take the place of a live person, where you can see their energy, make real eye contact, read their body language, shake their hand. So when you are online and wanting to engage with someone, one of the best ways to do it is with a video - you can look into camera and still connect and make contact with that person.
Video is fast becoming the crown jewel of content marketing because people can both see and hear your message and they can be moved and called to action in ways rarely possible with other forms of content. Essentially video is all the other forms of content rolled into one and is a way to engage people faster.
How does video help you improve your visibility on the web and people’s ability to find you in the first place?
One of the ways that Google and other search engines rank your site is how rich your content is. Video ranks highly as it is considered a very 'rich content' medium. If you have video on your site you will have more chance of being on the first page of the search than a text based site.
A recent survey published on www.reelseo.com revealed that videos in universal search results have a 41% higher click through rate than their plain text counterparts. Yikes.
Video online is no longer being dismissed by businesses as something for personal entertainment on You Tube. Nor is it confined to a 'stuffy 'corporate' video, which is only pulled out and played once a year for an event, presentation or meeting. Improvements in technology as well as audience participation and familiarity have made it a true platform for business which easily integrates with websites and blogs and across major social networkings.
Even something as simple as a 60 second pitch about how you help people can be an effective way of taking advantage of the benefits that video can give. It also gives you a way of engaging personally through a virtual platform. Imagine if, when looking at your website, Facebook page or Linked In profile, people could see a short video clip of you talking to them about how you can help. You are conveying your personality, your skills, your experience and most importantly your credibility.
Ultimately it is about connecting and engaging with people. People don't buy from a company logo, they buy from a person.
Discover Magazine has said that 90% of all global internet traffic will be video by 2014. Online video could be a powerful tool for your business or organisation.
Helen is co-founder of Capture 1 Video, video producer and director
http://www.capture1.co.uk, http://www.60secondpitch.co.uk